How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is salvageable if both parties really want to work on it.
Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.
If you have had an affair, you had an attitude towards her that allowed you to cheat. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.
What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex getting boring? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her looks?
You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.
Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.
Counseling will help you understand your thoughts, but that is not enough. You need to take real actions that show you understand your thoughts and are willing to change immediately.
The secret to restoring trust in relationships is not about talking about the right things in counseling, but in doing the right things with your actions toward her.
The first and biggest action you can take, is to do make small promises and keep them. If you promise to do the dishes every night, then do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized towards you in the larger picture of the relationship.
Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust very seriously. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you really want to stay with her, then patience on your part is a must.
Doing this does not mean you have to feel guilty about having an affair forever. But if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding while keeping your own pride.
Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.
Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.
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