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Getting Over A Breakup

December 6, 2014

Getting Over Break Up Steps of Recovery

Are you getting over break up right now? Do you hurt so bad that you feel like your heart is going to explode? Do you want to see the other person one minute and want to kill them the next? That is all par for the course when you are getting over break up.

Just as there are stages of grief when mourning someone who has died, there are also steps that must be taken when getting over break up.

One woman whose first husband died and second husband divorced her said that it was actually easier getting over the death of a husband than it was recovering from divorce. That is because there’s societal support when someone dies, but you are supposed to go about getting over break up on your own.

The first thing you should do is sit down and write a long letter to your ex. Pour out your heart. Share the experiences you had together. Tell him or her why you loved them. Put on paper how you feel about the break up. Call them names. It’s okay to emote in this letter because no one is ever going to see it. That is because you are going to light a candle and burn the letter over the candle’s flame. There are not many rituals that go along with breaking up, but this one can help you on the road to emotional recovery.

Next, you need to arrange to exchange stuff. If you have been in a relationship of any length, you probably have some stuff of his at your place and he’s got your things at his. You probably want much of this stuff back and he or she is equally eager to get theirs. Work out a time for a mutual exchange.

If there are things of your ex’s that aren’t going to be exchanged, either box them up or throw them away. Don’t leave your ex’s toothbrush lying around the bathroom because it will only remind you of them as you are trying to go about getting over break up.

It is also a good idea to box up any gifts your ex gave you for a time. Wearing a watch that your ex gave you will make you think of them every time you check to see what time it is. That’s just not a good idea when getting over break up.

There are sometimes financial matters that need to be straightened out when getting over a break up. If you owe your ex money, try to either pay it off from your own funds or get another loan to pay it off. If you have a checking account together, work out how you are going to divvy it up and then go to the bank to close it.

What you should be seeing is a pattern of closing out the parts of your lives that you shared. This is essential to getting over break up.

After you have done what is necessary, agree to have no contact for thirty days. This will allow you to start building separate lives. You shouldn’t call, text, email, or meet the other person during this time. You may even want to agree that some places such as a specific bar or even a given church “belong” to one party or the other during this month long period.

After you have had time to begin building a separate life, you will be able to interact more normally once again. This is a difficult time, so give yourself the space you need in order to go about getting over break up.

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Nicky "The Heart-Mender" is a writer who Blogs about ways to get your ex back, steps for getting back together with your girlfriend or boyfriend, how to fix heartbreak, getting over a break up and how to prevent divorce. She received the pen-name "The Heart-Mender" because while some people are "heart-breakers", Nicky does the exact opposite and helps mend broken hearts and fix damaged relationships.

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