If you’ve recently went through a break-up, you’re probably trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love. Neither is very easy and only very few people are able to move on quickly without thinking or wishing things could be different. You should really spend time thinking hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything. Think about how things were with them and how they will be now when you are single. Try to be as unbiased as you can. You might decide that the break-up really wasn’t a bad idea.
If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to sincerely apologize. You might think you’ve done this. Even if you have said you’re sorry many times, your ex may have thought you were only apologizing just to stop the break-up. He or she didn’t think the apology was sincere.
If you were the one who did something that caused the break-up, then apologize again. Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it. (And hopefully, you do. If you still aren‘t sincere at this point, you may want to move on permanently.)
When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them. Often times this is easier if you really love the person and know you two can have a great relationship again. You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really accept it. If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.
If you succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues may resurface. If you haven’t forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything. Old wounds would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said. This is why a true, understanding acceptance of forgiveness is necessary to move forward into the relationship again.
But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be any need to rehash the past. While you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief down the road.
Also, to win back lost love, show the person the “you” they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped. They were with you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best “you” you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.
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